The Epitaph
by TheProudWeirdo
Summary: When I was four, I have thought of my epitaph for the first time. At age of thirty-four, it became real. Now, I have to think of my last words for one more time... But can a person have multiple graves, each filled with a rightful body? [Atagonist!OC in Narutoverse]
1. My Mirror

I was staring into a large mirror, its frame made of slick, black metal curled up in different shapes, the edges pointy and sharp as the knife that was injected to me just minutes ago. Or was it a decade?

The mirror has been showing the same image for hours, or maybe even years now. I couldn't tell, the place I was in, belonged in, was timeless. There was no time or space, no signs of reality. I didn't call it any name, simply because there wasn't need for one. It didn't matter. Just like my very own existence.

My skin was the same, and so were my face and the eyes way too big compared to other of my features. But the bones were colder, the muscle nonexistent. The blood, supposed to be flowing in my veins, just wasn't there. I wondered if when I would touch my arm, I would disappear. I didn't try it- it was a natural instinct after all, to not put your own life in danger- but I knew that if I did, it would really be the end for her. Not me, because that thing in the mirror wasn't me. It was _her_

I was actually tempted to do it. At least I would save myself from looking at the mirror in front of me for unmoving hours. It was the only thing I has ever seen while being in the nameless world. The mirror and tight black fog. I didn't even dare to move, considering the options. The fog could be possibly poisonous or some kind of trap. I moved, I died. Simple enough to me, yet effective. Or at least it would've been.

I outstretched my hand. The bony, small fingers reached the glass, running my sharp fingernails on the surface. It left vibrant scratches, destroying the once beautiful glass. The mirror itself may have been alluring, but the image was not. I noticed my lips were still stained of blood, and small droplets were falling from my lower lip, hitting the ground with ringing sound as if made of glass. The very moment the droplet hit the ground, it was already a little crystal that broke into million pieces, crashing.

Then, sharp pain tugged on my scalp, and I opened my mouth to yell. There was no sound. No words coming out of my mouth. My hand fell back, hanging limp on the side of my body. When I wanted to move my fingers, or what was left of them, my body wasn't listening to me. My brain, still in function, screamed in agony. I was suffocating, despite having my mouth still open. My lungs just wouldn't fill, and with the lack of oxygen, I was lost.

My eyes widened, and I took a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair was pulled and then the force let go, then tugged again. With each tug, it transformed. It was suddenly everywhere, and in the same time nowhere. It was changing substances, textures. My face was twisting, and god it hurt so much. After what seemed like years, I felt pain. Strong, sharp pain that crashed like waves in my entire body. My lips were stretching, breaking, bleeding strange black liquid. My eyes were falling out of their sockets, my skin opened and my guts were squishing out, baring to the dim light. Everything that was happening, I saw in the mirror like a live show.

My hands were suddenly longer, than shorter, the bones cracking under the pressure. I felt it in every cell of my body. My legs were bending and twisting, but not to my will. My will was powerless, broken, shattered into million pieces, just like my fingernails that were falling to the ground, replaced by blood and meat. With my mouth still open in soundless agony, I watched with open eyes. I didn't look away.

It stopped.

 _It stopped._

And what was left of me was barely a human being. It was what I truly looked like, what I was supposed to look like. Black eyeballs with no irises, no visible pupils. My lips were nonexistent, instead leaving pale, ragged skin. The hair on my head was just few, large looking dreads that were just a tangled mess of what was left of my once glorious locks. My whole body was covered in blood and guts, yet I didn't feel any pain anymore. My limbs were painfully twisted, hanging by my sides.

I stared at myself, and fell to my knees in despair that suddenly filled me. I watched my fingernail-less hands, bones shining through where my unnaturally pale skin and muscles were missing.

Was this how I looked when I died?

No, the eyes weren't mine. The eyes weren't mine, and they didn't even remotely resemble me. Nothing did.

This was how I looked as a corpse.

This was how my family found me, in the forest buried in a shallow grave. This was when they screamed for help, this was where they found out I was lost forever, bended to the will of my killer. This was why I died.

 _How_ I died.

I rested my forehead on the glass of the mirror. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see myself anymore ( _the eyes weren't mine_ ) I didn't want anyone to see me ( _they weren't mine_ ) I didn't want to think of myself ( _it wasn't ME!_ )

I fell right into the glass, hoping to shatter it to pieces.

I floated right through.

[Author's note

I am sorry to interrupt you my dear reader, but I just want to clarify some things…

1st: this story won't be sunny and pretty all the time, and you should be prepared for at least some gore before you enter more chapters.

2nd: this OC is more of an antagonist, which means she won't be able to satisfy anyone's need for justice… more so, she would be a awful person in a realistic way. But the built-up will be more on the slow side, because I want her to have a reason to be the way she is.

3rd: she will get quite insufferable, but this is from the first point of view, so please, don't get whatever I write that's not the dialogue as an info set in stone. I am representing what's happening in her head, so half of the info will be just her twisted truth.

4th: I need a beta, so if anyone would sacrifice themselves, I would be really welcome

5th: If you decided to stick with me till the end… well, hats down to you, mister (or mistress, gender's a bitch)


	2. Their Angel

I woke up in a small room, filled with strangely solid air. The walls, as I could make out with my relatively blurry eyesight were painted orange, and the wall paint was starting to peel off. You could see scratches and other damage on the furniture, but everything seemed remotely new. The small bed I was sleeping in appeared to be soft, even with the scratches and… were those bite marks?

I tried lifting up my head, but somehow, it was a lot harder than I expected. My body wasn't listening to me… again.

I remembered clearly the events in the nameless world I was stuck in for god knows how long. I remembered how my body transformed painfully, and my lungs void of any air. The cavity around me.

Therefore, I expected it was the afterworld. Though, I wondered why the hell was I in a bed. But hey, I have never been to afterworld before, so maybe that was how it was supposed to look like. I actually welcomed the thought of having nice beds (maybe the furniture could be a little more polished, it _was_ the afterworld after all), and I could swear I smelled food. What kind of food, I wasn't sure, but I hoped for some specialty.

I also didn't understand how was it that I was placed in Heaven instead if what was supposed to be Hell. Not that I was _that_ of a bad guy (few robberies and what I called self defense but wasn't sure if it counted as one when I provoked the attack), but I've had done my fair share of bad things. Some of them were really just a self defense, but somehow, and it usually happens to people with a headstart of mine, I worked my way to something more brutal and less innocent.

So, when I woke up in a sunlit room with flowers on the coffee table, I was pleasantly surprised.

Until she walked in the door.

She was no angel, by any means. Her wild ginger hair was flowing everywhere, her mouth wide open and she was yelling something into her phone. First thing, I doubted that the afterworld had phones, or electricity to begin with. She was screaming curse words the worst gang members in my life would be impressed with. That angel had a pretty foul mouth, I noted. And also, it really didn't go with her appearance. She was wearing a traditional Japanese kimono, if I still remembered correctly it was called yakuta or yukata or something like that. Didn't know. I was never a sucker for traditions of my country. Though, every Japanese girl should know what it was. I even wore it sometimes, but with us living in Chicago for most of my life, little details like this flooded out of my mind. Her sharp fingernails were painted red, and her makeup was literally an image of perfection (what would I do for achieving that), with her sharp eyeliner and red lipstick. Sure, she looked a bit whorish but I could go with that.

With a look at me, she stopped shouting and started muttering something so fast I couldn't register it. After all, my knowledge of Japanese was limited to curse words and few important lines I needed to survive my father's wrath caused by my lack of interest in his homeland. The woman than ended her call, and came closer to me.

I was expecting an explanation, maybe something like 'Welcome to Heaven, you are in the room 302, enjoy the afterlife', or maybe not anything at all (she still didn't appear angelic to me), but not what came.

She started cooing baby words at me, calling me different names that reached from 'sweetheart' to 'my little sunshine' . Now I was confused to the point I started screaming. It was a reflex indeed, a reflex I didn't have in my life before. A reflex absolutely new to me. And it was scary as hell. Even in tougher situations, I didn't yell for help. And now I was screaming like a… little… child?

I managed to lift my hands in front of my face, and what I saw nearly gave me a heart attack and made me die once again. But that would be a pain in the ass, so I settled down with screaming my lungs off. What came out was crying of a baby. An infant. The smallest creature ever, and suddenly it was me, and I was that small bundle of joy I always despised. I was that noisy little motherfucker that cried and shat itself. That thing I would never touch with a two meter long pole.

My eyes wide, I stopped screaming. But the supposed angel proceeded to try and calm me down, stroking my nonexistent hair and muttering words I didn't understand. Her hand on my bare scalp was rather unpleasant, but considering the situation I couldn't do anything about. So I controlled my emotions, and stopped with the annoying sounds.

So, I was watching her instead, intensively and maybe far too observantly, as I recalled later in my life. The first day I remembered might've been the cause of all of the problems.

She looked at me in what appeared as a shock, the red tinted lips open. She took an unintentional step back, muttering something about my eyes. What was about my eyes? If I remembered correctly, having hazel eyes was nothing out of ordinary. Actually, they were pretty as far as the other people's opinions counted.

Then she said one, seemingly crazy, word "Black." She breathed out, astonished.

And I knew. I understood. I remembered the black eyeballs in the mirror; I remembered the scars and bruises all on me, the blood, the guts…

I would love to grit my teeth, but my infant mouth didn't offer that kind of luxury. So I settled down with a horrified expression that didn't belong on my baby face. If the black eyes I gained lasted… this wouldn't be good. I was trying to calm myself down by saying that this is the afterworld. People here would not care. But deep down, I knew this just wasn't the Heaven, and neither was it hell. The air felt too normal, the room too ordinary, and the woman too humanly. I was reincarnated.

The reincarnation was surprisingly unsatisfying. Normally, a person would think having a chance to start again was golden. It wasn't. Mainly because… who the fuck get's reincarnated with completely black eyes? Had I have pretty, oriental black eyes, I would be happy as ever. But not this… monstrosity. Because the woman I was starting to assume was my family member, had vibrant green eyes. So unless she fucked a demon, there was no natural chance I would have these sorts of eyes. There was something fishy about my existence, and the woman knew it. It was written all over her face.

She suddenly screeched. "I've given birth to a demon!" the desperate sound of her voice made me growl on the inside. Only on the inside, because a growling baby wasn't exactly a common sight. My black, demonic eyes were staring at her with pure hatred, and I gave all of my negative emotions to that glare. I knew it unnerved her. I used the same kind of glare I usually gave the clients when they were paying low for a job, whether it was just a document delivery or something more… gory. My eyes were unwelcoming and suddenly angry, because I couldn't suppress the emotions inside of me and I was still used to the habits of my past life.

My mother- because now I knew it was my very own mother that I just scared to death- took another large step back and she hit the drawer, clutching it with her pale hands. Her bony hands were shaking, and she couldn't stop staring at me with eyes void of any kind emotions.

I heard tapping on the ground, and I was prepared to face another person who would hate me the very moment they would see me. I couldn't complain, after all, I would have the same reaction. Seeing a girl with pitch black eyes without any visible eyeballs was plainly scary. I was a walking freak show.

But in doorstep, there wasn't a human being. Instead, a large black dog was standing there, his crazily blue eyes watching me intensively. His tongue was hanging out of his mouth in a petty funny way, and I would've laughed hadn't I be so angry. He came closer, and my mother was watching him, fear and fascination present on her face.

When he was near my small bed, he tentatively reached out with his paw, placing it on the edge. I instinctively covered it with own small fist, that was just as big as his paw, if not smaller. The dog licked my hand than looked at me with those big blue eyes, and I could swear I saw affection in them.

That was when the woman I was bound to call my mother seemed to relax.


	3. Their World

After that day, it went… remotely well. I have to say I've developed better relationship with my dog than with my own mother. Because after that incident, I realized I was really reincarnated. It kind of freaked me out at first, after all this was completely new to me. I never really believed in reincarnation, heaven or hell. I didn't, and still don't believe in god, and I am by no means a believer in anything. Not even myself, because I know how fucked up and unsure I am.

So I did what was always my specialty. I adapted. I adapted to the fact I couldn't speak my mind, or rather I couldn't speak at all, the fact that I was a bald and toothless bundle of nerves and suppressed emotions. And of course, I adapted to the fact that my mother clearly loved me, but had better things to do than actually take care of me. It didn't bother me much, mainly because as a grown woman in her thirties, I didn't really need a mother anymore, per say. I was as lonesome as I could get, with my only and everyday companion being that damned dog I didn't even remember the name of. I just knew he was large, male (I still could tell that much) and that he loved me with all his dog love. That, once again, fueled my belief that animals were better than people in more ways than one.

There were days when my mother, Aiko, forgot to feed me. I was crying, because that was the only sound I could make in my infant body, but she was far too engrossed in her work or simply not home. And that fucking dog always brought me some of his dog treats, coated in saliva. Of course, it was useless and completely uncalled for, but it made me smile every single time.

It took me a while to discover my mother's profession. Mainly because I didn't really care.

But I discovered something completely different alongside of that.

It was actually the first time I started walking. I managed to crawl my way out of the bed, and I would've fall right into my baby ass hadn't it been for that stupid dog that caught me with holding the collar of my onesie in his sharp teeth. I remember thinking that if he tears it up only for a millimeter, I would bite off his tail.

He pierced the soft fabric, leaving two holes from his canines. I wanted cold murder. But that would be animal abuse, and despite the stupidity and complete idiocy of that fucking dog, I was strictly against hurting an animal. People, not so much. But animals were kind of my soft spot, even though I didn't want to admit it at all.

So, I slowly walked, trying to keep myself near the wall to prevent myself from falling. That annoying dog was trailing behind me, keeping an eye on me. I felt like a kid in school with a super annoying teacher that had to watch every move I made (rest in peace Mrs. Finnigan. I will burn with hatred for you for the rest of my life, and hopefully the afterlife will kick you in the nonexistent balls just like it did to me). When I finally reached the living room, Aiko was staring at shit load of documents, her perfectly groomed eyebrows furrowed at the coffee table with thousands of empty cups of coffee. She was sipping at one of them that was still half full, her calligraphy pen behind her ear, inking her orange hair black. She didn't seem to care, instead she occasionally threw some paper away, after she scrunched them up.

I watched her intensively, leaning against the green wall of the living room, and when she picked up one of her many phones (I didn't understood why she had so many of them, and then it clicked) and she dialed a freakishly long number.

"Maiko?" she started urgently, her brows furrowed, and her other hands was playing with the hem of her elegant and inappropriately short skirt. "Did the delivery…." She trailed of, seeming nervous.

I was watching her with growing curiosity. She looked nervous and frantic, twisting the fabric between her long fingers. Somehow, the obvious unnerved behavior sparked interest in my thirty-four year mind. It all smelled fishy, and I would know. I was a master covering up suspicious actions.

"In the docks." She confirmed and her posture eased up a bit. "Fine. Just… make sure it comes as soon as possible. The weapons are gentle, especially the bombs. We don't want them to blow up or something. This is a completely new technique, something that would make a huge difference. Now, the civilian people will stand better chance against _them._ And when we'll sell it to _them_ too, we will need to be careful. Only to the right ones. Never to hidden villages." She said in a warning tone, all serious. And my mind started accelerating. Hidden villages? Civilians? I could swear I heard this before. And also, it occurred to me that she was selling the weapons illegally. Which wasn't something I wasn't used to, of course, but it still made me wonder if it was really the best idea. Illegal business like this needed precision, and escape routes. It wasn't nearly that easy.

"Yeah, the Kumogakure would work. I am not sure if they will accept help from ordinary people, but maybe… after all, the events in Kumo were kind of harsh. They won't trust us that easily."

My eyes widened. The Kumogakure Now _that_ I remembered. Way too clearly.

I suddenly had to use that wall for a different kind of support. I felt like fainting and throwing up in the same time. A wave of nausea hit me, and the world started spinning.

NoNoNoNo _No!_

Dear fucking lord, why me?

I was stuck in the most illogical, confusing and annoying anime I've ever knew. This world just didn't make sense whatsoever, whatever side did I look at it from. I remembered watching it when I was babysitting my niece, and dear lord was I fucked. While watching it, I barely understood a thing that was happening, and even the things I understood weren't making sense whatsoever. Bringing dead to life? Tailed something, massacres for greater good, catra or whatever it was, everything was stupid and useless and confusing as fuck and now I was _living_ it.

I would prefer standing in front of that damned mirror forever. Someone fucked me over again. And it sure as hell wasn't pretty.

I should've suspected something sooner, hell, Aiko was wearing the same outfit that pink kid was wearing on that idiotic festival. But the place I live in looked quite normal, no weapons or those headbands with symbols, nothing.

That meant I was born into a family without ninjas or how they were called, and it also meant I could now die anytime again because in this show, everything was blowing up and being destroyed all the time. Here, as far as my adult mind noticed, didn't matter whether you were born a civilian or you were a precious clan member, the ninja didn't really care. They would slaughter everyone and everything just to get the mission fulfilled. And I really, _really_ didn't want to die.

Aiko ended the call, throwing the phone behind her on the divan and took her face in her head, muttering another set of curse words. She tangled her fingers in her head, tugging on the strands of orange.

I turned away and crawled back to bed. Somehow, I didn't have the strength to walk anymore. I used my dog as a support, and climbed up to the sheets. I closed my eyes, breathing shallowly.

Why didn't my niece got thrown into this mess? She would surely know what to do. She would turn this world upside down, and with her happy and cheerful nature, she would become the most loved and respected person. Maybe the next Naruto, I didn't know. But she would sure make some changes, and she would become the best ninja this world has ever seen.

I knew I could barely survive.

I wasn't carefree or overly responsible, I couldn't take anything seriously, let alone my training if I was to have one. I would not sacrifice myself for someone else's goal, no matter it was the world peace or something equally important to the characters in this dimension. People never respected or loved me, they feared me. And I could use that, but then Naruto would appear and coax me into giving up. And I didn't want to fight with a half-god. Or with anyone in that matter. Call me a coward, but I hated dying. I wasn't like one of those brave, suicidal ninjas who served their leaders without a second thought, prepared to die. I didn't like dying… hell, I was fucking afraid of it! And making changes… why should I? I was not supposed to be here, and I was prepared to let this world flow naturally, the events happening and the people dying, because the only skin I wanted to save was my own.

I was a coward, but after thirty-four years of living as one, change was impossible.

With a massive headache, I fell to restless sleep, my dreams filled with horrors of this world.

 _Their world._


	4. Their Leaders

After that, I became a lot more wary. About literally everything. I didn't even trust my shadow, because what if it was one of that shadow jutsu and I would be left paralyzed? Sure, I understood my fears were unreasonable and utterly stupid, but I just couldn't bring my subconscious to understand too. Somehow, every time something moved I panicked. Every time I heard a sound, I cringed and crouched my tiny body in prepares for attack. I saw enemies in everyone and everything. And I unintentionally fed my paranoia with remembering images and people from the show.

Slowly, I distanced myself from everything… beside that damned dog.

I learned that lazy ass dog's name was Hinata, and I had to laugh at the irony of it all. Mainly because his personality didn't even remotely resembled the shy girl's. That fucking dog was lazy, ungodly funny and annoying. And that was precisely why I loved him to death. I would, when I was old enough to actually carry something without falling under the weight of it (I couldn't carry things for a long, long time), always bring him treats or sometimes I would steal something from the fridge and give it to him. He would eat everything, as long as it was fresh. He was better than any expiration date. And never mind Aiko always raged because she couldn't find her favorite ham or tartar sauce (that sauce was my favorite food, because I wouldn't steal for someone else and not take myself something good), and I would always just smile and nod like I didn't have an idea. My old habits were starting to surface.

Sometimes, when I was really bored, I would wrestle with him. I told myself I needed to train for all that shit around me, but in reality I just never wrestled with a dog, and in that time it seemed like a good idea. It ended horribly, with me coated in saliva with some of my hair I finally grew bit out or chewed to the point I could make dreads. And look pretty damn cool with them, but I pushed it down. Imagine, in Naruto world, a girl with black eyeballs and dreadlocks. Now _that_ would stand out. But because I failed, I returned again and again for revenge. It became a routine of some sort, not that I complained. At least I had something to kill time with.

I still haven't spoken a word. At age of three, when most kids were babbling nonsense at their parents, I didn't utter a single word. No 'mommy' no 'daddy' nothing. When I wanted food, I had to bring it myself because Aiko, such a model mommy, was never present. I learned how to open and close fridge with my small height, using climbing techniques that usually involved a dog to be successful, and then jumping as high as possible and use as much force as I could to open that fucking thing that was too complicated for a toddler. Didn't they think of me while making it?

When I needed to do any of my other necessary acts, or as I called it operations, it would always be me with a helpful paw of Hinata. It was cute how he was always present when I needed something or when I was bored. This dog was a damn sensor when it came to my feelings. When I wanted to go to a toilet (my mother stopped with diapers when I turned one), I walked to the bathroom and then stood on my dog to get a better access to the toilet, and then sat on the edge to prevent myself from falling down. The first time I tried this system, I fell right into it and poor Hinata had to drag me in his mouth through entire flat. We couldn't explain the wet stains that evening.

Basically, I formed a two man squad with Hinata. He was the only supervision I got as a child, and that gave me so much freedom I didn't know what to do with. Going out and drinking wasn't an option for me yet, neither was some good LSD. So, I had to do with adventuring through the entire flat, and later our street and shops where I always nicked snacks from our local shopkeepers. They didn't even notice it thanks to my height. My fingers were tiny but as quick as when you run to the toilet after the fourth beer.

Then I climbed back through my window, and munched on them in silence, sharing with Hinata who would pester me until I gave him his half. He helped, of course, being the best distraction ever. When everyone was busy keeping a stray dog from their goods, I quickly sneaked in and took everything that seemed valuable for me, which was mostly food or some shiny stuff like earrings that I would love to use in the future. Call me girly, but everything that was flashy and preferably gold, I would snatch away as soon as I could. I would put them to good use, after all.

Aiko never noticed the jewelry that piled up in my bedroom, mainly because she never entered it, and when she did, she was usually on her phone and she just stuck her head in the doorframe and wish me good night, which was usually followed with 'no, that wasn't for you, idiot. I was talking to my child'. She never called me by my name, most likely because she didn't remember it.

I didn't care at all.

As long as Hinata remembered my smell and sound of my voice, everything was alright. I didn't know what I would do without that dog. _My_ dog.

On my fourth birthday, he brought me his best dog treat (I still couldn't believe he was intelligent enough to know it was my birthday, but hey, this was the ninja world and people could walk on water. A supper smart dog was nothing I would lose my sleep for), and he spent the whole day jumping and barking all over me, tugging me to my window. Call me stupid, but I believed he wanted to show me something special. It _was_ a special day, after all.

Need to remind you I still haven't spoken a single word. I was beginning to be labeled as weird.

So, I climbed out of the window with ease, my sneaking skills rapidly improving. I swelled with pride over my own abilities as I jumped steadily, landing in crouched position that I was so familiar with from my past life. After all, running from gun-armed men was no joke. Getting shot multiple times made me adopt this escape routine. Better be a living coward than a dead hero. That was my philosophy that battled with the ninja one. I didn't care at all, simply because becoming a ninja was never my goal.

The streets were illuminated by street lights, and the moon was shining brightly over my footsteps. A small smile was playing on my lips, my short ginger hair getting into my vision. I inherited Aiko's hair color, but mine was even more vibrant so I couldn't even call it ginger without laughing at myself. They were bright orange, as if I didn't already stand out enough. Yeah, thank you god or whatever you were, for making me a walking practice dummy. Yeah ninja just stab one of your flashy weapons in me, I am right here! I think it was karma for all of my past doings.

I laughed out loud, and Hinata only turned his head at me, and cocked it to a side in confusion. He was watching me with his bright blue eyes, and I walked up to him and ruffled the fur on his neck while scratching him softly with my long nails I always forgot to cut, because that was on Aiko's list-of-unimportance.

Then, with a black dog larger than me, I walked out of the long street I was familiar with, determent to discover a whole new world.

All around me were dim city lights, and the buildings were taller than I had imagined before in my four year old life. I remembered that they looked fairly normal size in the television, but the image of the actual show was blurred. It has been four years, and I didn't even have an idea what village I was in. I supposed it was a hidden one, considering Aiko was a weapon seller. That smuggling business was beyond the borders of the country, of course, but her main operation spot was here. I wanted to know where.

I was an idiot, and never looked upwards.

As I was left in awe from the night life around me, where people were buzzing around like flies and the restaurants and shops were still open, I didn't notice the forehead protectors I've seen for the first time in my life, because after all, I've never seen a ninja near my street. So I clutched to Hinata's fur because he knew where to go unlike me, and continued noticing only things important to me. The shining lights, the smell of food and the beautiful dresses around me were swallowing me into a flashy, glittery whirlpool, and I was beginning to feel too overwhelmed with that all. It was my first time after four years of isolation and loneliness, that I was outside, completely outside and I was thrown back into the familiar yet new city life.

Hinata suddenly stopped, as if sensing the eruption of feelings and emotion inside of me, and gently tugged on my giant shirt with his fangs. It made me look up on him, and thus, something else caught my eye.

It was the Hokage Mountain.

 _The fan-fucking-tastic Hokage Mountain itself._

 _I wanted to gauge all of the giant stone eyes that were staring at me and fueling my panic attack._


	5. Their Expectations

It left me completely defenseless. I wasn't prepared for this. Not at all. Sure, I knew I was in a tv show, but I assumed something like a nice small hidden village that doesn't go to wars, or is fought in, or generally doesn't have any events that I could get hurt or worse, killed in. I was hoping for becoming a pretty, cool civilian girl that will have one night stands and drink sake to the point she doesn't know her name, not to be stuck in the middle of wars and mass destructions. Because everything that happened in Naruto had something to do with this fucking, overly sunny and easily destroyable village. Hell, even the Kyuubi attack was too much for me, but destruction of the whole village? This was nonsense. Pure nonsense.

I was hyperventilating. My breathing was ragged and fast, and I was trying to calm myself down, but all the paranoia I've been growing inside of myself for years has surfaced, and all I could think of was how I just didn't want to die. I didn't want to disappear from yet another world, I didn't want to…

 _The mirror_

That damned mirror I kept seeing in my dreams, the fucking thing I could never get rid of, would be there. The very moment I would die, and I knew it would happen too soon, I would be left in that vacuum with the mirror set in front of me. And it would be there until I reincarnated again, but that I was not sure was possible. It probably wasn't.

 _I just didn't want to see the mirror again._

I didn't even notice when I was lifted in the air by something, my feet sluggishly hanging in the air and saliva dripping over my orange hair. I was trying not to scream in agony at the whole village. A village full of ninja. Full of killers that were out to get me. To hurt me, to hurt everyone I loved, to hurt Hinata, to hurt Aiko, destroy her weapon shop, to _killkillkill_.

I wasn't thinking rationally anymore. I wasn't thinking at all, my black eyes wide open. My mouth was closed shut, to not let words slip out of my mouth. That was the most important right now. For them not to notice me. I wasn't even supposed to be here, I shouldn't have existed!

 _Do not show yourself. Do not be seen. They will kill you, hurt you, take everyone from you. The ninja are as ruthless as one can be, remember that._

And I remembered. I remembered watching the show and thinking of the deeper meaning. That these people were ready to sent civilians to die to pursuit their stupid goal of utopia, creating causalities no one has ever spoken of because it wasn't important. Unless you wore a headband, you were just a mass of blood and meat that could easily burn alongside the others.

 _I didn't want to die_

My eyes fluttered open, but I kept them half lidded just so I could see what was in front of me without the other people seeing their color. I was moving in a steady pace, but it wasn't by my legs. I was silently thanking Hinata for being there for me. For catching me when I was to fall. I would just need him to be here for longer, and more occasions. I couldn't slip up. I couldn't let them to know, or I would be destroyed, wiped off the face of this motherfucking world.

My tiny fists curled up. The people were looking, they were staring at us. A huge black dog with a small kid hanging limply from his mouth didn't look appealing to the citizens of Konoha. They were all happy, careless about the fact that they will all die. I was disgusted. I didn't feel pity for them, neither did I have the hero syndrome. I wasn't planning to save anyone, we established that before. I just wanted to live my own, safe life.

I closed my eyes again and focused on my breathing. I knew that shit was important to calm me down. Slow, deep breaths were what kept me content after an all nigh run from armed people. Armed people were the worst, learn that kids.

I was beginning to feel better, Hinata's presence shooting me. I wasn't emotionally happier or anything, just calmer. And calmer, I could think. Think this through and make a plan. I needed to adapt again. Change and twist myself to the point when no one could recognize me.

So I started scheming, and I didn't even know how or why, we stopped.

I opened my eyes, and saw everything being placed right in front of me like on a silver platter. Hinata looked at me with expectations in his eyes and barked, but I brushed it off. The view was… breathtaking.

Konoha was bright even in the night, the streets and shops filled with tiny little dots that were the people of it, and I could smell the different foods even from such a distance. I was stunned, as I saw the light in our flat, meaning Aiko was home. I was left completely speechless and suddenly, it all made sense. My mouth went dry, and she had to sit down, my dog crawling next to her and placing his head under my shoulder, nuzzling his neck to my side.

"It's not that I don't like you." I stated, my tired voice that didn't belong to a four year old child carrying over the Hokage Mountain I was sitting at. I drew my knees together and pulled them upwards. My vision was filled with the lights of all these buildings and the moon was illuminating my already unnaturally pale face, now even more pale thanks to the constant fear.

"It's just that… I love myself more, you know?" Hinata twisted his head to look at me, and his eyes looked even bigger. I took his ear in between my fingers, and fiddled with is as I continued talking "I know I am a selfish idiot, I am aware of that… but I've always been like that, since I was a little girl back in my previous life… _my_ life." I talked, and the dog listened. I didn't know how much of it he understood, but his eyes were far too intelligent. Sometimes, I wanted him to speak to me and give me some advice. "I am… loosing the grip of my life. Just like before. I want to be able to… just, you know, _understand._ Everything. But I can't, in this world, I cannot even understand myself. I just know… I want to flee again, just like I did before in every action, during every job, every time I had to fight more than I was sure I could handle." I started trembling as I remembered my past life. I missed it… I missed how I looked before Naruto, before the mirror. I missed how I was, funny and carefree with only one fear, of death. I missed how I knew how to balance myself out, to give everyone what they wanted of me to appear less suspicious.

"My family probably understood only when they found me dead with my guts all over the shallow grave."

 _The mirror._

"But how can I… how can I adapt now, with the growing paranoia inside my head. How can I adapt when I know it will cost me my life?" I wouldn't mind causing death to others. As long as I would achieve what I wanted, I didn't mind the glassy eyes and smell of copper. "It doesn't matter whether I adapt to the ninja or to civilians. There is danger either way." Hinata continued staring at me, and I was beginning to feel judged. "I just… want to find the right path." Now I was lying. "as a civilian, there is lesser chance of dying because we don't participate in wars. But when somebody ambushes the village, as a civilian I can do nothing… " this was harder than it looked.

"As a civilian, I don't have the strength but I have the status. As a ninja I have the strength, but I am missing the status… "

Hinata looked at me before pulling out his paws to rest them on my things. He pulled out the first, then the second, kept them separated for a minute and then placed one on top of other, his intelligent eyes staring at me.

I got it. Perfectly.

Thus, my new life was formed.


	6. Their Skills

I made my way down from the Hokage Mountain, wisely choosing to climb down instead of using the easy route _sane_ people take. But I just couldn't be bothered by the length of it, so climbing seemed like a better option. When I got down, bruised and sweaty, I understood why Hinata didn't even bat his eyes and simply ran out to the classic route we came from.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was a dog, and dogs, even in this world, still can't climb down a mountain.

The annoying part was that I had to wait for him to finally appear, and he looked way too nonchalant. Like I haven't been waiting for fifteen minutes until he dragged his furry ass down the fucking mountain.

I was starting to treat him as a human, a proof that I was really losing it.

I gave him a light pat on the head, and feeling somewhat grateful to him, I focused on finding the closest shop to get him some food. Every year, he's gotten larger, and I assumed it was because I fed him regularly, always finding something for him to snack at. Maybe sometimes even more than he could eat, which was right by me, at least I could have the leftovers. Not that I didn't get any food for myself, but I shared the unconditional love for food with my dog. We were so similar it was unhealthy. Even our reactions were similar. So, was I secretly a dog, or was he hiding a squished human in that furry body of his?

Well, maybe he ate one at one point of time, I didn't know.

We found a dango restaurant that was still open. Who was I kidding, restaurants here were open all the time. When did the poor people sleep? But it was quite convenient, so I waltzed inside with a huge, fake smile plastered on my tiny face and a large dog by my side. Hinata scanned the shop, sniffing the air for anything odd smelling before he let me proceed to the bunk I was prepared to glorify with my presence of a dirty, sweaty and whiny four year old. And I sure as hell was whiny today, never mind it was my birthday. No one gave me any present anyway. No human, I meant.

I didn't give a single fuck. Humans were useless idiots anyway. Not to mention they couldn't be used as a ladder to get to the fridge. Sure, they could be, but I doubted they would cooperate.

I walked over to the counter where a young woman was smiling her head off, her perfectly makeup-ed eyes so small I could barely make out what color they were. How could someone be so happy just by selling dango, I would never understand. Oh well, maybe she just wanted to appear charismatic or something to sell more of her cooked catastrophe, and obviously it worked because the number of customers was pretty high. So, I told myself I would try out too, open to a pretty surprise.

The counter was, as always, too high for me, so whistled at Hinata who let me use him as a ladder once again, and now I was tall enough for my eyes to reach over the counter, so I could talk to her without her talking to air.

"Hello? How may I help you?" the woman's smooth voice carried over the room. I was keeping my gaze lowered so she wouldn't see the freakish color. I played it off as my shyness.

"I- I would love some dango, pretty miss." I focused on warming up my cheeks, a trick I've learned long time ago.

"But of course, sweetie. What kind and how much?" she reached over to ruffle my hair, and had she know what kind of images flowed into my head that moment, she would run out of the door maximally disturbed. But I just smiled a bit more, as if in delight.

"Hanami, please." I bowed my head, as if sorry for even asking. "Three sticks."

"But of course darling, it's coming right away." She cocked her head to a side, gesturing to the kitchens behind her.

"Can… c-can I pay now?" I asked, still looking at the ground under my feet, careful not to destroy the whole process. If I looked up, she would most likely call exorcist on me. And I hated being wet, even though that damn liquid was supposed to be holy.

She nodded, so I pulled out all of the small coins from my pocket. Well, not all of them, but half at least. Sure, they weren't technically mine, but I took my birthday present whether Aiko gave me one or not.

"W-w-would that be enough?" I said in a voice full of false worry. It hit the target perfectly.

The woman only looked at it and knew it would be barely a half of the prize. But then she looked at me, an image of anxiety and good intentions, and she smiled gently. "Well…"

"You know…" I started, full of sadness. "It… is my birthday today, and m-my mom told me to get something because she's always busy with her clients and…"

Realization drew onto the woman's face, and I only now realized how it sounded. Now this is the universe telling me I should continue. She most likely thought my mother was a whore, at least that was how it sounded. It was something I rather welcomed. She crouched to be on the same height as mine, and gave me a sad smile filled with pity. "Here, " she took my outstretched hand and opened it, forcing the money back in it, "today, it's on the shop"

If I wasn't still in the role, I would scream in victory, possibly gangnam styled out to my box, but instead I just half nodded, planting a relieved and grateful smile on my lips, my eyes disappearing and leaving only slits with smile wrinkles on the corners. "Thank you, pretty miss." I bowed my head, and then walked to the closest box open. My smile changed from fake and plastic to the real, victorious one.

I climbed up my way to the seat, and smiled in satisfaction when I could finally rest my back. How good was this?

Hinata jumped in from the other side, scooting over to me and laying his head to my lap. That was silent for 'scratch me', as I learned from his various attempts to get me to do so, and then his vengeful plans when I ignored him. I started scratching and tugging on his scalp, and he literally purred like a cat.

"I think I just found my profession. I will be a professional dog massager." I chuckled, and Hinata howled in agreement. Tell me, wasn't he just a perfect dog?

"Oi! Stop being noisy!" a cold voice interrupted my peace, and I stopped scratching Hinata, instead I dug deeper with my nails. The poor dog howled in protest, trying to wiggle out of my grasp. I didn't let him, but masked my irritation and a near-heart-attack with a bright, if not a little mocking smile. I looked down at Hinata with a silent question in my eyes, and he moved his head towards the box behind me. I nodded slightly, and then shrugged. I _was_ a child, after all, I had the luxury to do things I would not allow myself to even think of in my past life.

From the corner of my eye, I saw the woman bringing me the dango, with a soft look playing on her features. I quickly put my mask on, sighing in content as she put the plate in front of me. "Thank you so much, pretty miss." I smiled a board smile, showing my toothy smile with few of the teeth missing. I learned it was taken as cute between adults. So, why not use it when I still have the chance?

"You are welcome, sunshine." She ruffled my hair again, and now even Hinata glared fiercely at her. He knew how much I hated human contact. Luckily, she didn't notice it. She just turned her kimono clad back and walked to some other customer, a man with freakishly long white hair and a look like he wanted to eat her whole.

I looked conspiratorially at Hinata, who bared his canine teeth in what was supposed to be a smile. Again, this dog was damn too intelligent for his own good. I took one of the dango sticks, eyeing it sadly. Such a waste of food. Hinata gave me a shove, indicating he was ready to part with the food in order to have his revenge. So I slowly climbed on his back, and he stood up.

I only briefly saw the unruly silver hair that was literally everywhere, before I jabbed the sticky substance into his nest of hair. And I wasn't gentle at all.

The boy turned around, his face looking just as old as mine, and furious. His glare was so icy I felt like freezing in the very place. His teeth gritted, he tried to pull the sweet out of his hair, note that unsuccessfully.

I cocked my head to a side, looking far too amused. "and I did it without any noise, see?"

That was it. He literally fled out of his seat, and he almost radiated electricity. His expression mixed with horrified and furious one, and it was almost as if no one dared to do this before. Even with his black mask on his face, I could see how he reddened with anger, and it pleased me in the most odd way.

Suddenly, he gained his composure back, adjusting his green scarf. "you are a walking deadman." He announced, and with his light brows furrowed, he started walking slowly towards me, his posture more than threatening.

"Hinata…" I started frantically, reaching for the dog's fur. "Hinata…" I looked at the boy with wide eyes, and urged the dog to move. Hinata took one look at the boy, and immediately understood. We both ran out of our booth in rocket pace, sprinting out of the dango shop with me quickly snatching the remaining dango off my plate. With that, I exited the shop, a flicker of silver on my tail.

"Now…" I huffed while running, "we… have… fucked…up."

Hinata just looked at me, reminding me it was my stupid idea in the first place. I managed to glare at him, but he was totally unfazed. I guessed he just got used to my empty threats. I sprinted over the corner of the street, hoping to shake him off. That was when a flying kunai pierced the ground just few centimeters in front of me. I froze for a second. "That stupid kid is a ninja?" I wondered out loud, and fear mixed with fury shook through me.

"Yes, and that stupid kid is going to send you to a hospital." I turned around to see my pursuer slowly reaching me, dango sticking out of his already messy hair. He said it almost finally, like it was a sure thing.

"In your wishes, fucktard!" I turned around and continued running, which earned me another kunai flying past my precious face. Not for the face, darling, that's some important thing you are aiming at.

This unpleasantly reminded me of my escapes from the mafia families in my past life. But back then I was a grown woman with speed and more than decent agility. Sure, I still had the agility, but I had shorter legs so my speed was not nearly as high and efficient as before. So, I had to use my surroundings.

I saw a lighting conductor on one of the buildings, and I was immediately there, climbing up higher and higher until I reached the roof. I was breathing shallowly, due to the loss of oxygen. But that goddamned boy looked as fresh as a daisy, minus the dango stuck in his head.

"And what will you do now, huh?" I yelled at him, stupidly letting him know my position. Thanks to my pride, I let my cover blow. But I just wanted him to know I have the top hand despite him being a ninja. Thinking of it, if he was a ninja, why wasn't he wearing a headband? As far as my knowledge went, all ninja had to wear a headband as long as they belonged to a village. So, either he was a missing nin- but he appeared to be too young to be one. This was Naruto world, but even here weren't super-babies. Well, that Uchiha boy with long hair could be labeled as one, but… you know. I needed a tiny piece of hope that I wasn't _that_ left out, considering my abilities were still nonexistent.

So, I assumed he was an academy student. Which was not much better, because he still out-leveled me. It also made me wonder why the hell was he so good in such a young age. After all, as far as I knew, ninja kids started their hellish training around the age of eight, so why was there a five year old chasing me around the streets of Konoha? This world was making less and less sense every day. Then again, what did I expect from a fictional world? Logic was shunned here.

Then he did something I should've expected. I really, really should've.

That bastard starting walking up a wall. Literally walking in 90 degrees, like it was normal. It wasn't. It was freaky at best, and I was starting to feel anxious about my own existence, I wasn't supposed to be here. This really wasn't a place fit for me.

"Fuck fuck fuckity fuck…" I chanted, watching him with wide eyes. Hinata tugged on my hair, and I looked up to him. Realization drew on both of our faces, and I switched to look on what I was holding in my small hands.

I waited patiently till he climbed up, and he obviously didn't care about the pace. He was so cocky and confident in his abilities it was both sad and amusing. After all, cocky asses were the first ones to die. Better be safe while knowing your abilities and your limits than being overly arrogant and not knowing where your possibilities end.

When the silver head stuck out of the edge of the roof, I smiled a rather unpleasant smile that made his eyebrows shot up. My lips stretched even more, and with a flashing speed, I removed the dango with my teeth and threw the stick at his forehead, making sure I hit the spot right between his eyes.

His reaction was priceless, and I doubled over laughing. His face morphed into a mortified expression, feeling the sticky piece of wood hitting his forehead in such a speed it left a small and red hole there.

I let out more of the choking sounds that I doubled as laughing, because I was such a lost existence I couldn't even laugh properly. "Now, this is just fun-fucking-tastic." I choked out in between laughing. "hopefully this would draw your nonexistent intelligence out." Saying that, I tapped my chin and shot him a mischievous look, "wait, you are not Hindi, so I doubt it would work…" I stuck the remaining dango stick in Hinata's mouth and watched him take the dumplings from it. I played with the stick with my fingers, swinging it. "Maybe we can try again." My board smile sent him on the edge.

"You stupid little-!" I didn't let him finish, because I threw the second stick at him, only a millimeter near the last spot. It blended into one, and now he had a large red hole in his forehead, with me laughing my ass off again. This was the most fun I had in ages. In four years, to be exact. Sure, I've been doing things like that before in my previous life, making fun of my opponents on daily basis, but this was just plainly amazing. Annoying a fucking ninja to the point his face swelled with anger.

Oh, my mother would be proud. Not.

But when I saw how his face settled on a cold expression of hatred, I knew it was the time to run. After all, he was a skilled fighter, and I was… well, an idiot for provoking him.

So, I turned on my heel, whistled highly to get Hinata's attention and then started running, leaping from one rooftop to another in the fastest pace I could muster up with my tiny legs. Hinata was right behind me, accompanying me with his loud barking to make go faster. The silver midget was starting catching up. As I saw a building taller than those two before, I started climbing it using all of my strength in my upper arms, and then swinging myself over the edge were the triangular roof started. I climbed up the one side of the roof, and then hopped on the another, lazily sliding down and then jumping off, landing right on my feet, one leg outstretched. I straightened up, with Hinata somehow landing right behind me. I knew the boy was right behind me, following me like a very fast shadow. And thank you, one was enough. I didn't need a second one in a form on a silver haired brat.

The first thing I saw was an open clothes shop, so I maneuvered my way through the crowd on the street and hid behind the curtain that served as door. I jumped behind the first figurine, and held my breath with Hinata hiding in a giant pile of clothes near one of the changing rooms. In my peripheral vision, I saw the brat entering the shop, his sharp eyes scanning for any sign of me or poor Hinata. Oh, why am I saying poor, that dog was just as guilty as I was. After all, without his ladder skills the plan wouldn't be successful in the first place. Every time the kid moved, I turned around the figurine and mimicked it's position, so I would be unnoticed. Somehow, it worked, and he left the shop with a scowl on his lips, making me sigh in relief. I was safe, fucking safe and no one could destroy the victory feeling inside me.

It was when an elderly woman screamed at her pile of clothes which suddenly grew a tail and when I saw Hinata sprinting out of the shop with the surprisingly swift grandma glued to his behind that I realized how fucked I was.


	7. My Resolve

A/N Hey, people. It's been some time since I've written something on here, and I am deeply sorry for that. I could keep you up all night by spitting out excuses like a damn fire, but really, there just wasn't the right time and place. Just so you know, I had been thinking about the story, and now, there is some serious plot change coming up. Now, a lot happens in this chapter, mainly because, damn, it's almost ten thousand words, and I have been writing, just not posting… to be honest. So, now, enjoy emotionally unstable bitch of a future ninja who now cannot really hit shit, and her trusty companion, the dog.

Peace out.

When I finished chasing an old woman who was chasing my poor dog, and yelling something about perverted animal from her old vocal chords, I was totally lacking any willpower to fight anymore. My legs were finished, totally finished, and I was going to have to make myself a special aromatic bath this evening to relieve myself from the tension and pain. It was funny how the night chilling air did wonders on my heated lungs, and I wanted to bang my forehead onto the wall I was leaning against. Like, how stupid can one be? I'll tell you, I for one can be pretty much a queen of idiots, and I feel like even Naruto won't be able to surpass me on this.

I told myself, just have fun. Like, you know, as if there was nothing to worry about, as if I wasn't in a completely new and different world, like I wasn't bound to fall on my knees the very moment I would reveal my existence. The very moment I would look someone in the eye. I was like a ticking bomb, waiting for someone to set me off with a loud bam and countless dead bodies around me. I didn't… I didn't want to hurt people anymore. I wanted peace, with only my dog by my side. There was a reason why I didn't try to be a ninja. I didn't want to die, and I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to kill anyone ever again.

I've spent over twenty years fighting to survive, and I didn't even have to. I had a family, a loving mother and overprotective father, weird ass brother and gentle sister, and yet I managed to become a monster. I guess it was just my nature. I was greedy, wanting to have things we couldn't afford, so I started stealing. When that didn't cut it for me, I tried getting involved into mafia jobs, being the fastest and most sneaky gang member ever. They used me for assassinations. I sneaked in, silenced the target, and got out without alerting anyone. I was fast, and the very moment I got caught, I didn't try to fight back. I ran. I ran until I saw blur and I couldn't breathe. I ran until my black hair got out of my bun, and my blue eyes were wide with adrenaline. I ran long after they stopped chasing me. I just ran at night, jumping around and just being free. I didn't care I hurt people, and if my family knew, they would hate me forever. I didn't care I didn't have a reason, that I didn't have any sob story. I wasn't a tortured soul. I was just a greedy motherfucker whose biggest need was freedom, and who found it in running freely.

I realized I was a bad person long time ago. Firstly, it was when my hands got dirty with human blood, my clothes tattered. When I ran away from home, when I wanted the freedom they couldn't give me, when I didn't care about the love my mother showered me with, because their definition of love was locking me up. And they didn't bother to get to know me. They cared for the illusion of me, they loved the picture of me, the reflection in the mirror with bright makeup, bright eyes and bright thoughts. But my breath never smelled of fresh gum, but of rum. My eyes weren't lit up, instead covered in eyeliner. My face was covered in makeup to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes and worry lines over my lips. My body was scarred, so I tried covering that up with tattoos and my mother screamed in horror when I came visit, my arms covered in black ink. Permanent damage. On my body, on my brain. With every kill, I lost more of my beliefs. And I became numb, my smiles fake, my tears dishonest, and my hands skilled. Skilled in killing, skilled at hurting. I couldn't say I killed many people, never, but on the south side of Chicago, people were taught differently, and hurting people to the point it required immediate medical attention was nothing out of ordinary. Hell, even an occasional corpse was nothing to stop and look at.

My mother grew old, wrinkles on her face. My father kept sitting in that ancient armchair, looking through his photos from war in Vietnam. My brother went to Iraq, leaving us with a pat on head from my father and waterfalls of tears from my mother. I remember watching him with my lips in thin line. I didn't say anything, we always understood each other on a different level. He only needed one look in my eyes to understand I knew the horrors. And he was going to get to know them too.

My sister married, and moved out. She got pregnant, and I could swear my niece was the cutest thing in the world. I loved her, and I loved my sister, and her husband was amazing, and his mother made the best brownies. Every Christmas, they invited me over, so I wouldn't spend the night alone like always. But I wasn't alone, I had my nightmares of people I had to hurt. They were haunting me.

I wanted to stop. I wanted to get a job, find a man, have maybe not kids but at least a dog or a cat, and find a house with classic medieval windows and wooden decorations, and a big garden where I could grow trees and flowers and then grow old, spending days on the yard with kittens on my lap and visit my sister and nurse her grandchildren, being the best great aunt they've ever seen.

When they killed me, I was happy. Glad. Giddy. I didn't scream in agony, rather in happiness. Everything ended, all of my pain and suffering and the remorse, the regret and the hate I felt towards myself and towards the world for making me this way, it disappeared.

Until I was reborn.

And it started all over, all over again. People here were killers, hunters and suddenly, I became the prey again. I became the weak link, the one who couldn't protect herself. I only had two options. Hunt or be hunted. Eat or be eaten. Kill or be killed.

But I didn't want to kill ever again.

Yet, I knew I had to.

I knew I would be forced to, whether I wanted to or not.

I just didn't know what to do, how to act and what mask to wear. One of my many masks, my lying skills and my negative ways of living. They were always there, always being able to help me to get out of the most sticky, dangerous situations.

And suddenly, I was following the same pattern as before. The same circle I couldn't get out to for twenty years. A thief was only one step away from a killer. And I knew the time was going to come when I will have to kill. And I knew one day, it won't be for the self defense. But for the sole pleasure of it.

I gripped my hair tightly, forcing it upwards, my pitch black eyes wide. I slid down the wall behind me, and suddenly, I let out a piercing scream, my voice cutting through the empty street. I didn't want to live anymore, I didn't want to live the same life as before, I didn't want to follow the same pattern.

But I know I would.

Another shrill scream echoed in the night, and I tugged on my hair even stronger.

Why couldn't I just die? Why couldn't I just be free of my life as a monster, as a killer. Why couldn't there just be the comfortable numbness, the black and then nothing. I would even go with the afterlife, because there I wouldn't have to _kill._ My eyes were those of a killer, and my lips only whispered goodbyes to people I took their lives from.

I started choking. I stared choking on my screams, on the vomit in my throat, on the tears in my eyes and the pain I inflicted on myself in that dark alley in the middle of a fucking Konoha, a made-up village filled with made-up people and me, and me _memememe_. I was here, here instead of dying. I was forced to live with my twisted mind, to go through all of it again. I was going to hurt them again.

 _So don't get close. Don't get close, so you won't hurt anyone ever again. People like you, sick and twisted are alone, always and forever. Because is better to face the depths of your mind alone rather that drag some poor unfortunate soul into the mess that you are._

But… I won't kill again. I won't become what I became in my past. This is my chance to start again, to gain reputation that's good, to have friends and my own family and people that love me and-

 _You can't do it. You are born a killer, and you will die as one. There is nothing you can do about it. This world is filled with people like you, you are not the only one._

No, I'm not. This world is just as disgusting as I am.

 _Help them. Help them bring it down._

The voices chanted. There was hundred of them, and not only a single me. There were faces, shapes, shadows. Of who, I didn't know. I didn't know their names, or their appearances. But they had one trait similar. They were dead, and they were my fuel.

My true colors.

Dragging myself home was far more painful than I could've ever imagined. Half because my tiny body was more exhausted than ever, and half because I didn't really want to return back to that forsaken place. Sure, Konoha was my personal hell, but the apartment held the crown.

I considered climbing up to my room, and then let Hinata in as usual, but with the state of my mind and the crippling exhaustion, I chose to just simply open the door and walk in like and normal and sane person would. Well, if they weren't four. But considering events of the night, I couldn't bring myself to care about what could go wrong.

My hand twisted around the door knob, creating a small space just fit for me to slip in, preferably unnoticed. And for a split second, I really believed I was about to get away with my sneaking out. That was before the lights turned on, and I was greeted with the sight of very unimpressed Aiko.

She looked just as much a mess as I felt. Her makeup was smeared everywhere, something she never let me see. Still wet mascara stains covered her pale cheeks and freckles, and her lips were bitten to the point she drew blood. Not that her clothes received any different treatment, wrinkled and dirty. She was sprawled over the stairs, barefoot. But the moment I made my existence known to her, she shot up from her lounging spot like an arrow. Her mouth repeatedly opened and closed for good three minutes, her eyes switching from me to the two boxes beside her.

"You…" she choked out, and the voice that came out of her was raspy and nearly unable to understand. "Where were you?" the volume got higher with each voice and her whole body was shaking, as if she was just barely holding on, the muscles of her hands twitching. "Just where the fuck have you been? It's past midnight, and you just show up like nothing's fucking wrong." Me being, well, me, I had to wonder if she'd ever realized that I was, in fact, a four year old. She was speaking to me like age was just a number. Which was totally fine by me, age was just a number in this case, but prison wasn't just a room, and I was pretty close to reporting her from time to time. This wasn't going to win her Parent of the year for sure, once again. "You are four!" Oh, so she did know. "Four, and already running away like a rebellious teenager. What have I ever done to deserve this?!" she was doing a full-on shitfest now, with her arms flailing around like a flag, nearly knocking down one of the paintings on the wall. The eyes that normally looked at me with just a little more than ignorance were now blazing, the green even more vibrant.

"Nothing." I mumbled. It was more out of habit than anything, really. My mouth seemed to have a mind of its own, and that mind was acting pretty irresponsible now. But Aiko stopped the eruption of years of suppressed anger, instead she let her arms fall limp by her side, completely stunned. Which was what made me realize my slip up. And also urged me to continue, because maybe for the first time ever, she was about to listen. "Nothing, and that's the point. For the past few years, I was something like dust on the top shelf. Quite unpleasant, but everybody's too lazy to actually go and get it. And now you suddenly care because why not make this even more confusing?" My voice held and edge to it that I didn't know four years old vocal chords could produce. It was cold, much colder than appropriate. But just as much as I wanted it to be.

"You... speak…" Aiko's words were a whisper that barely left her mouth before turning to nothing. "Since… when…"

I shrugged nonchalantly. "For two years now. Three already, I guess."

"And you haven't ever talked?" Aiko sputtered incredulously, pure shock evident in her eyes.

I put my hands inside the pockets of my pants, leaning backwards. "And why should've I? It's not like anyone's bothered to listen." I knew I made a mistake. Should have been more careful. But at this point, I just couldn't stop the words flowing out of my mouth. Everything I wanted her to see, to understand for past four years, now I was able to show.

A cake flew past my face.

My eyes widened as the large chocolate thing missed my just by hair and then slammed on the yellow-ish wall behind me, leaving a large brown stain that I doubted was possible to get out. Aiko was beyond furious, her chest heaving with a mixture of panic and anger. Only now I noticed the resemblance between us. The sharp look she was giving me, almost wild, was something I saw when I looked at myself in the mirror. It was something I was so used to seeing before, when I was still where I belonged, before all this madness started.

 _Ha. I guess they got my genetics right, at least._

For few intense seconds, it was just a stare down between us two. The dim lights made her look awful, and I assumed it did no wonders to me, either. But before she could say anything, anything at all, I raised my hand. "Thanks for your concerns, Aiko. And for the cake, too. I'll make sure to pay back for it somehow." It was almost funny, coming from a four year old. To pay her mother back for a birthday cake, all the formal speech. But I figured, if we were in such a world, better make the most of it. As far as I knew, ninja weren't much for affection, more for formalities. Aiko never strike me as overly affectionate, yet this little monologue was a low blow. She was my mother, after all. But somehow, I couldn't bring myself to care.

"What do yo-"

"If you excuse me." I peeled myself off the wall that I subconsciously leaned on for support, and aimed it to the stairs, pushing past her. She was taller than me, so much taller. When we were on arm's length, our eyes locked, and I could see the silent plead to stay. She was young, unexperienced with children, she didn't know how to be a parent. Normal mother wouldn't let me leave, hell, a normal mother would've never done something to push her child to this point. Granted, I was no normal child, either. An adult mind trapped in such a fragile body. And yet, even if I understood, I couldn't simply be the bigger person. Partly because of my bruised ego, and partly because I've always been a master at holding grudges. Irrational as it seemed, I broke off the contact, assuming it would sever the last ties between us.

The house was silent as I walked up the stairs to my room.

I was sat on my window, legs hanging down from it. Sleep just wasn't coming, but on the brighter side, neither was Aiko. The woman seemed to be giving up.

I, on the other hand, did quite the opposite.

The wheels in my head turned, spinning beyond control.

Somewhere between my house and some storage room, I realized the boy I had so effectively pissed off was Kakashi. That realization did no good to my already distressed state of mind, as I realized what period was it. Precisely. Kakashi looked around my age, maybe a year older, at max. Sure, that short stack was powerful as fuck already, speaking from a point of a girl whose biggest asset was her fucking dog. But there were more terrifying things. Fact that Kakashi would be graduating soon, and also, the soon-to-be war hanging above me like a guillotine, made my skin crawl. War meant casualties. Casualties meant death.

I needed to get stronger. Right now.

I vaguely remembered that there was something like a library in the village, and that was the only place I could start in. A small smile stretched over my face and I turned around to look for Hinata, when a loud bark made me nearly lose my balance. I quickly glanced down, satisfaction hitting me as I saw Hinata staring right back at me, his tongue flailing from his mouth. "You really are way too intelligent." I jumped down the window, grabbing hold of everything I could in order to support myself. Something I had realized through the years of living here was that, in actuality, these bodies were equivalent to those of a well-fit adults in my world. And while the fact was supposed to be disturbing, it was actually quite the opposite. The thought of my body being able to do literally impossible _thrilled me._ And a small part of my mind wondered just how far into impossible I was able to jab without falling apart.

I landed with ease granted both by memories from my previous life and the superhuman body from this life, and straightened up.

My dark coat flailed behind me as my footsteps became more frantic, eventually breaking into run with Hinata close behind me. I pushed past everybody, and even I didn't know where was I getting the energy from. It was like, ever since Aiko, something inside me snapped. Something that released every single drop of energy, like lightning, through my body.

It oozed power, death, sadness and happiness. It was a mixture of everything and nothing. It was beautiful.

I stopped when I came across a puddle.

Wild hair, wild face… and the eyes, pitch black, like a horror movie.

I stomped right on it, and continued. There was nothing to see.

It was almost sundown when I reached the riverbank, light bathing the village in orange and red. The soft, dusty ground creaked under my bare feet as I sat down on the edge, folding my legs into crisscrossed position. I let my cloak fall beside me, and smiled slightly as I opened one of the books from the stash beside me. A small yawn escaped my lips- well, I did spend the whole day there, losing my precious sleep. I was perfectly aware that my small body wasn't able to endure such careless treatment, and that I was going to have to make up for the lack of sleep, but right now, I just couldn't help myself. It was all just too much, too fascinating for me to just let go.

Chakra. That was the thing that took a grip on my mind the most, yet I couldn't quite decipher it. All that I was able to get from these books were insignificant information, basic knowledge. I needed more… depth. More details. Just… something I would be able to grab a hold onto.

Yet, the interest was so strong I got lost in the book again, reading each sentence three times over just to make sure I got it right. I was so engrossed in it, that I didn't even notice the subtle shifting beside me, until it was too late.

"May I ask, what are you reading?"

My head snapped up, anger flooding me and the thought of someone disturbing me .that. But I was met with crinkled eyes and a broad smile lined with numerous wrinkles. The woman beside me was old, so old I was afraid she would crumble beneath a small blow of wind. Yet she was by no means fragile, more of a stone figure chipped up by time. Her graying, fading red hair framed her face with grace I knew I was never going to be able to achieve, and she was beaming at me. It was the friendliest, most knowing smile I've received in long time, even before my death. That worried me. "A book."

The answer as rather rude, yet she just let out a small, delicate laugh. "I know that. I mean, what about."

I crinkled my nose in confusion. Couldn't she just look at the title or something? But to maintain my mental peace, I answered hoping to get through this conversation as quickly as possible. Sure, her presence was shooting, and she seemed generally nice. But that was just precisely what unnerved me the most. How nice she was. How… motherly, warm she felt. "Chakra." I offered a simple answer, but the demanding silence forced me to elaborate. With a sigh, I closed the book. "The meaning and consistency of it. Though, I am almost done with it and I still only know the basic info."

She must've noticed my displeased tone, which I wasn't able to hide due to my exhaustion, both mental and physical. But she just chuckled all the same. "Yes, well, most generally-available books don't offer wide knowledge. But… aren't you old enough to know about chakra?" She asked with just a hint of curiosity lacing her harmonic voice.

I nearly coughed on my spit. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…" The woman looked positively confused. "Kids around your age should know about those things, especially during the times of war… had they not taught you in the academy?"

I froze. How old did this woman think I was? Then, an idea crossed my mind, and I stuck my tongue out at her, silently, careful not to make any disturbing movement or sound. She didn't even blink, instead, she looked at me with those blank eyes of hers. My shoulders slumped in relief. She was blind, that explained why she misjudges my age. Yet, I couldn't help but feel like there was something a bit… off.

"Also, someone with such unnatural chakra… you definitely should have some knowledge." The old woman mused, mostly to herself.

My features morphed into a scowl. But I did my best to alter at least my voice, to appear nonchalant. "Oh, I did know the basics already. I just want… wider knowledge, per say."

The woman smiled. She relaxed beside me, sitting cross-legged just like I was. For someone of her age, that was definitely some flexibility. I was quite sure that she was a ninja, or at least used to be, by now. The way she spoke and carried out every movement with grace, how perceptive she was… she must've been more than strong in her prime. Even her robes, as simple as they were, screamed wealth. There was a crest on her back, one I faintly recognized. A clan member, huh…

"Well, you haven't graduated yet, I take it?" she said, searching for confirmation.

I shook my head, forgetting she wouldn't be able to see me. "No, I haven't." technically, I wasn't lying. I scratched Hinata's head that he absentmindedly put on my knee, and sighed. "But that's not stopping one from gaining knowledge, is it?" It wasn't a jab, though it might've sounded like that. I was actually hoping, by now, that she was able to help me. Hell, I knew she was, I just didn't know how to make her to do so. So I tried the best approach. Guilt-tripping. "I… I want to be able to be good. Better than most, actually. So I can protect them. You said it yourself." I let a sigh fall out my lips. "You've said it yourself. These are troubling times."

"Do you belong to a clan, young one?"

I grit my teeth. Clan, clan, so much about these clans. "No." I told her, keeping the bitter edge to the minimum. "That's why I need the most help I can get."

"Who do you want to protect, then?"

I closed my eyes. No one. "Everyone."

It was quiet for a minute, but it stretched out into a century for me. "Chakra," she begun, her voice soft and tired, like wind rustling through leaves. "Is a mixture of spiritual energy and physical one. But I'm sure you already know that. It's Heaven and Earth. Everybody has limited amount of chakra, but they can expand it, just to s certain level. And then there's them… But you most likely know that by now…" She railed off softly, and I made a noise in agreement. "But… there's a story my husband told me a while ago, that has been passed through his family for generations. Chakra originally belonged to God Trees. When Kaguya Ōtsutsuki ate the fruit the God Tree bore, she became the first person in Earth's history to wield chakra. With her new-found power, she ended all the wars that plagued the lands. Her sons, Hamura and Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki, were the first people to be born with chakra. Hagoromo spread chakra to others through a practice called ninshū, intending to create peace by using the chakra to connect people's spiritual energy so that they would understand one another without even talking. However, the people did not use chakra in the way Hagoromo hoped, instead using it to connect their inner spiritual and physical energies. They kneaded their inner chakra to amplify and weaponise it, creating what is now known as ninjutsu."

I stared off in space. "So… it says that chakra is limited… can it, I don't know, not be?"

"Yes… It's called the Sage mode. People who can use Sage mode can draw out energy from almost everything around them."

"How?"

"It has many rules… of course, those with dojutsu have it still easier, but…"

I made a sound of protest, indicating that I didn't have one fucking clue what a dojutsu was. Sure, I knew it was the flashy red eyes and all, some info just sticks, but everything behind it… it was confusing.

The old woman inhaled softly, a wheezing sound that pierced through my ears, making me shutter involuntary. She opened her mouth to speak, then close it again. With grace I didn't know that was even possible at this point of life, she stood up, her robes flowing behind her like a wave. "Follow me."

I didn't have a choice. None of it gave me a choice.

The compound screamed wealth. It was beautiful, really, with huge ass trees and green enveloping me. The grass felt good against my cold, bare feet and finally, I could smell something more than just city gutter and Hinata after days without bath. It was… calming me.

The old woman in front of me was sure of her steps even if she was blind and weak, like an old mountain lion on its last hunt. With her fragile hand, she pushed some leaves out of our way, which I had to duck to avoid. She led me to the back of the compound, where few garden chairs were sitting in front of a small table, and fresh flowers on it. I wondered who took care of it here, because I doubted the old woman was capable of doing all the chores herself, even if she tried her hardest.

She sat on one of the chairs, and I figured I was to sit next to her. I was still baffled by the situation. Something in my mind screamed for me to take a leave as soon as possible, that this woman was too powerful, too important, to stay alert. But the warmth radiating through her, made it impossible for me to leave. I didn't want to. So, I made myself comfortable on the chair, and she did the same, only more dignified.

"See, young one." She started, her voice mixing with the soft wind. "I know it must be weird for you, to have the Mito Uzumaki herself invite you to the Senju compound, but…" My eyes widened. Mito Uzumaki… the woman with Kurama inside her, first Hokage's wife, something like the very first First Lady of Konoha, was sitting in front of me, telling me stories about chakra. I couldn't decide if I was really fucked, or just slightly.

"Why?" I managed to choke out of myself.

She smiled softly, and it made her ten times younger. "Because, young child. There's something… old, inside your young body. I cannot explain it, but I am a chakra sensor, after all. And I know that most would blame it on my age and call it old people's nonsense, but I know that… you need nutrition, just like these flowers and trees. You are older than you think. And… in these dark times that are about to come, you need to be strong. Again, maybe it's just my senility speaking… but you have the most unnatural chakra I've seen a while. I think the world deserves to have you informed."

"The world…" I whispered, bewildered. What did the world have to do with any of this?

"Yes. I've been there through many hard times. This one… it will be one of the worst." Mito's voice was laced with pain only a veteran could have inside themselves. "So, my child, now I want you to listen." She produced a scroll from her sleeve. "And learn from the old bed time stories."

And so, I did. I listened, and for the first time in a while… I learned.

I left the compound as the morning birds chipped and the streets were coming to life. I was there all night, with a woman who never stopped talking. She was like a machine, jumping from one thing to another, and all of it about chakra. I didn't know that there was so much to learn about one single thing.

But it was still just a theory, basics that we covered. Sure, I knew a bit more, but we couldn't go in depths. I was untrained, save for the few survival skills, and she couldn't trust me completely. Despite that, I realized one thing… I needed to learn to control chakra. That was the key to everything, really. Chakra.

So, I didn't go home. Instead, I went to a clearing deeper into the large woods of Konoha, and plucked a leaf from the nearby tree. I smiled, as I examined the tiny green thing. So… I was supposed to stick it to my forehead, right? Now, that had to be easy.

It was not.

I didn't know if the ninja cheated with some superglue, but somehow, the thing just wouldn't stick to my skin no matter how hard I tried. It was just impossible.

Fueled by frustration, I slammed my tiny fist into one of the tree trunks, and winced when I saw blood dripping from my knuckles. It was impossible, all of this was impossible. How could she simply think she would be able to get miraculously strong? She wasn't from a clan, she wasn't an important ninja's daughter, and she was a low born kid of an illegal weapon seller. It just simply didn't add up.

"What is it, cold feet has troubles?"

I bristled as my inner hate spree was interrupted by voice that I pretty much hated by now. That white haired prick was leaning against a tree, with that stupid knowing smile on his face. He was mocking me, he really was mocking me.

"First off," I turned around to see him face to face, with my face morphed into a scowl made of all the suppressed emotions inside of me, "What the fuck does cold feet mean? And also… no. no troubles at all."

He was still leaning against that stupid tree, and I would've informed him he was not James Dean, had he known who that was. "It's a simple chakra exercise. How do you not know that?" I realized that he kept silent about the cold feet comment, but decided against asking him. I was going to dig it out of him either way.

"Because I am a fucking loser, whatcha think?" I drawled out, irritation getting the best of me.

"Look…" Kakashi started, coming closer to me. I wasn't sure if he wanted revenge or just simpy mock me, but it made me pretty anxious. "Father says that all good things come from practice." He seemed pretty uncomfortable, chewing on the inside of his mouth. Like he didn't really want to be here talking to me.

"Father says… what does your father have to do with me being unable to do shit?"

He looked even more sheepish now. I smirked. "You told your father about a chick who kicked your ass."

He straightened in shock. "First of all, you didn't kick my ass, you just got cold feet and ran," well, that much about the cold feet comment, "And second… how was I supposed to explain why I was out so late and why I had dango sticking out of my head?"

I laughed in mirth, simply because damn, even the great white fang now heard about my little rendezvous with chibi Kakashi, now that made me happy. Also, filled with pride. I assumed that Sakumo put some sort of bug into his head, something about me having potential… which lots of people had been thinking those days. I knew I should've felt bad, considering I was cheating the whole world with being reborn and having some sort of skills from my past life, but hey… I didn't really ask to be here. So I had to squeeze out every last bit of juice I was left with. That being said, had I known I was annoying the Kakashi himself, I would've stuck the dango to my mouth, not his hair.

"That… makes sense." I rubbed my chin, and then turned around, flipping my hair. "Still doesn't help me with any of this, though."

Kakashi sighed. "You need to concentrate. You know? To mix up all that stuff inside yourself and then do it. Like… equally." He was struggling to explain me this, I knew it.

"Uhm… And how do _you_ know it?"

"I read some books." He admitted offhandedly, like it was supposed to be obvious.

I kicked the dirt under my feet. "Well, so did I. And I can't do shit."

"Did you train enough?" He asked me, and my eyes widened.

"Train? Like, physically?" When he hummed in agreement, my hand flew to my forehead. Of course I haven't. I only climb stuff, I don't really do anything else. "I really don't know how to do all that kickey punchey stuff." I did know some sure, and a shit lot of dirty street fight skills, but nothing I had trained to perform in this tiny body, or with this type of strength. But I knew, or at least assumed, that they had some flashy forms and all that nonsense that I was about to learn if I ever stepped a foot into the academy in the future… an institute I wasn't really fond of.

Kakashi snorted, looking down at me in both physical and metaphorical way. I was two seconds from strangling him. "I figured that much. Look, you must know that it's a mix of spiritual and physical energy." I only awarded him with a nod. "So, you are supposed to train your body and mind the same. Like, kicks and punches, yes."

My eyes widened in realization. Sure, I knew about that from the start, but it never occurred to me that what was a physically fit body in my old world was considered the norm for this one. A smirk stretched over my lips. "Like this?" I took a deep breath, and begun a simple form I remembered from the muay thai lessons my uncle provided as a retired professional fighter. It was a sad story, really, a man who came from nothing, had his minutes of glory, and then by a sheer joke of fate and his own incompetence lost all. At least he got some kick ass moves from all of it, and he passed those on us. I performed a standard routine, my tiny body turning and twisting just the way I wanted it to. Sure, the movements were a bit sloppy, my muscles being untrained and weak, yet I was pleasantly surprised the hours of drill did me justice.

Kakashi quirked a brow at me. "Where did you learn that? I haven't seen that style of fighting anywhere?"

"I read some books." I smiled cheekily at him. I rubbed my head with the back of my hand, glancing at him from in between my fingers. "You train a lot?" It was a stupid question, but I was a kid, and kids were allowed for that. Well, not really a kid, but hey, technicalities.

Kakashi nodded, a perfect image of miniature seriousness. "Yes. I want to be a perfect shinobi, just like my Tou-san." I was pleasantly surprised at his usage of words. In my old world, kid around four were hard to understand and even harder to take care of. It was almost scary to see how a tiny fighting machine carried a real sharp object and probably was even taught how to aim it accurately while throwing, when I couldn't get my eight year old cousin to eat veggies. I didn't really bother to comment how his need for perfection was gonging to bite him in the ass one day.

I stared at him, wheels turning in my head. Direct approach wouldn't work well here. Maybe… "I have to go home, now, but I will surely practice what you advised me tomorrow. The training grounds look to be free around this time of day, I feel like starting to use it to my advantage." I nodded at him, not quite a bow, yet a sign of acknowledgement. I could see the seed planting in his head, and his eyes lightning up. That kid needed to work on his deception skills… then again, it was really just a kid, albeit a genius one.

I turned around, my hair flopping against my shoulders, Hinata hot on my heels. I didn't really know why I needed him, r why I even wanted him to train with me. Maybe it was because of the excitement this would produce, maybe because I felt a little too helpless around this new order and new way of life. Maybe because I had no idea about proper taijutsu forms, and because I couldn't really ask any older, more experienced ninja to help out without being suspicious as hell.

Maybe I wanted a friend,

On my way home, I divided my body in two.

My mother wasn't home, again. It didn't really come off as a surprise, yet a small part of me hoped that after the incident, she would want to make up or something. And once again, life proved m wrong.

I cut it straight to the kitchen, to garb some almond milk from the fridge. Hinata was already by my side, ready to put in his helpful paw, but my eyes switched from him to the fridge, and slowly, I shook my head. "I cannot let you by my ladder forever, you know?" I sighed, and placed my tiny hands on the counter. I could only reach it with my fingertips, and an irritated sigh escaped my lips. Barely there.

Hinata howled in protest, but once again, I shook my head, this time more sure. "Shut up and let me think." It was eating me up, after all, most of the kids had already started training, just look at that brat Kakashi, and he was already a shinobi in bloom. And what was I? A powerless civilian. It made my head hurt. I was tempted to make my own way, to use my surroundings, yet I dismissed the thought. What was having chakra good for if I continued working in the same manner as before, during my times before death?

She shook her had. Kitchen wasn't the best meditation place, so she moved a bit to sit on the balcony of Aiko's room, sunlight hitting her face. She never liked Konoha's bright sunlight that much, appreciating the darkness a lot more.

Kinnosuke closed her eyes, the eyelids letting in just a bit of the light through. She evened out her breath, slowing down her intake of oxygen to the point it was almost impossible to know whether she was even breathing or not. Her palms were folded, her legs in a lotus position, and she let her bangs fall freely over her face just to shield her a bit from the invasive sun.

She dived inside herself.

It felt awful at first, like swimming in a pool of mud, and she hated the murky waters. She couldn't breath properly and it was suffocating her… then, she accepted it. She calmed the heart rate inside her that had picked up during the moment of uncertainty.

The air around her shifted, suddenly clear and sharp and a kunai. The water got clearer, a lot clearer than she had expected, and she realized it was evaporating in the air. It was slowly disappearing, changing the space into nothingness. Her fingers shot out, trying to grasp at least some of the water around her.

Something dark was lurking inside her, something rotten and she felt the smell of blood in her nostrils, the copped enveloping her. Something wasn't right.

Suddenly, everything around her was buzzing. It was like there was a source of raw energy. She turned around, in circles, to find the source. But then, her eyes widened in realization, and she stopped. She took a deep breath.

She thrust her hand deep inside her heart. She pushed, pulled and molded, the raw, buzzing energy inside her. She enveloped it in her hand, and listened to it.

It was like… twi flames, one black and one red, mixing with each other, dancing. They felt hollow, dark. She could feel it warming her up with something unimaginable, something rotten and too warm to the point it was burning her up from inside. She tugged on them, separating them, and then she let go. They clashed with force unimaginable, filling her up with something more than she could've ever imagined. Filling her with heat stronger, more intense than anything she'd ever seen.

She felt… whole. 

And that when she shot her eyes open, burning.

I was standing in front of the Senju compound, banging my fist on the wooden gate. Hinata wa standing next to me, but not as close as before. I felt like he was afraid of me, and I understood why. There was a feverish glint in my eyes, and sweat forming on the base of my neck. I didn't even put my shoes on, I just jumped the balcony like no matter, Hinata following me by smell only. I ran the whole way there, something pushing me.

Mito opened the door, glancing tiredly at my energy filled form. "What is it, young one?" she asked, slightly perturbed by my sudden appearance.

I panted slightly. "I did it." I said, then repeated it with much more force, when she didn't react. "I did it! I found the charka inside me. I did it."

Mito's eyes widened. "Come inside, young one." She said, urging me to follow her. We walked up to one of the larger trees, and Mito sat under it, motioning me to follow her example. I didn't, I couldn't stay unmoving. "Tell me, what did you feel?"

I took a deep breath, and then stopped. "I… don't know." I lied through my teeth.

Mito's face morphed into an expression of displeasure. "Give me your hand, child." She said, and when I didn't comply she boomed. "Now!"

I reluctantly put my hand into her wrinkled one. She closed her eyes, and suddenly I felt something invading me, something to bright and warm, and I recoiled. I wanted it out, it was hurting me, fuck, just stop it, stop it, "Stop!" I screeched and got out of her grasp.

Mito's face softened. "Tell me, dear, do you believe in reincarnation?" she asked, and I froze.

"Why would I?" I feigned ignorance, but my voice was wavering far too much for my liking.

Mito took in a sharp breath, shuddering. "Your charka, it's not normal…. It burns me. And it's not because you have fire affinity, no… it burns my bones. I believe… and before you dismiss me, hear me out. I believe that you'd lived a life before this, and you were destined to end up in hell. Yet, you escaped it, somehow. And maybe… some of the hell's flames stuck to your soul. I don't know how to explain it properly, youngling, but there's something wrong inside you that shouldn't be there." The slight quiver of her voice exposed something she didn't tell me… she was afraid of my charka. Disturbed.

I gulped. "Are you… afraid of me?"

Mito breathed in loudly. "No. You are a good child. I am not afraid of you, but for you."

I grit my teeth. If only she knew. She didn't know that I was not a child, and all the thing I'd done before. She didn't know she was cradling a snake under her breasts. But when I looked at her fragile form, there was something like affection stirring in my gut. I would never hurt her. I felt my posture ease up. I fell down beside her, and grasped her hand in mine.

"What do you mean?" I mumbled.

"My child, I bear something bed, enormous inside me." The kyuubi, I remembered. "And it tries to overpower me from time to time, it tries to go out. But… I've learned how to control it. The bad inside me."

I looked at her. "How?"

She smiled softly, and jabbed her fingers into my chest. "With kindness of heart." She got up slowly, leaving me stunned. "I'll bring some tea, and we'll resume our lessons." She wobbled away.

I put my head in my hands, clutching my scalp. Hinata came to me, seeing as I finally calmed down, and rested his head on mine. "But what if I don't want to?"

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had almost none kindness left in my heart, as I saw her returning with a steaming pot.


	8. Their Life

I smirked slightly as I flexed my knuckled in my fresh bandages, throwing on a t-shirt that went past her knees. Once again, Aiko didn't know my size, so she bought a larger one just in case. It was faded purple, and I almost instantly rolled my eyes at the color. Now I looked like a fucking miniature sunrise, thanks to my hair color I slid on my sneakers, not a proper shinobi gear, but I was four. A tiny ass kid in a way too big village.

I scratched Hinata between ears, and walked through the door down the stairs. Aiko was fast asleep in her silky robes, sprawled across the cough in a not so lady like matter. Her purse was laying open on the cofeee table, her pills out. I shook my head, realizing that my mother was probably hooked on sleeping pills by now. I slid my hand inside, and pulled out her wallet. I went through it, taking out as much as possible. Fuck being noticed. It wasn't like we had a good relationship, so nothing could damage it more. And I need to buy some gear, if I was really to start training. My survival matter more than her new manicure. Yet I placed it the wallet back just where it was, only it was a bit lighter.

Aiko stirred in her sleep and she slowly opened her eyes. She pinpointed me, and I sighed. Now that wasn't what I needed this early in the morning, especially after my last night's success and Mito's lovely speech.

"Kinnosuke, what are you doing up so early?" she muttered, and I noticed she didn't use honorifics with me. I was no chan for her, just plain Kinnosuke. I didn't know I it bothered me or made me ridiculously happy that she didn't have any connection with me. While it made a lot of things easier, I still kind of expected her to like me at least to some extent.

I shrugged. "Early birds and all of that." Which was a blatant lie. I loved sleeping in past lunch time. I just couldn't afford it these days.

She was slightly groggy, and I had my suspicions that she was out drinking her pretty ass off yesterday's night. 'Buy me some painkillers, my head is killing me." She gestured to her bag, and I smirked. I guessed fate loved me, at least a bit.

"Sure, mother." I nodded, grabbing the whole wallet.

I walked out of the house, slamming the door shut behind me. Hinata was already beside me, proudly striding by my side like he knew it was his place, and his only. I moved towards a weapon shop, and I chose the most rusty looking one, cause I knew there weren't many places where they would sell weapons to young children who weren't from prominent clans and such. Civilians still questioned it when a four year old came asking for sharp objects.

I pushed the curtain open, and got inside. The shop smelled like metal, and I immediately fell in love with the smell. It was all dark wood, and curtains embodied with Konoha's symbol. I stood on my tippy toes while examining the sharp tantos and katanas.

"What are you doing here, little one?" An old man, walking on a wooden stick, came up to me, a slight wrinkle on his forehead. His face was adorned with wrinkles and scars, and he had long faded out brown hair that reached past his knees.

I turned my head to him, and decided that it was better not to hide. I didn't know why, something about him gave off the vibe that I shouldn't. I stared at him with my black eyes wide, and smiled the most appreciative, shining smile ever. "I'm looking for few things, mister."

He looked at me dubiously. "I understand that there are young kids trying out for the shinobi path these days, but aren't you a little too young?"

"I'm four." I exclaimed, slightly offended.

He chuckled. "You look like you are two." He said, gesturing to my small built.

I crossed my arms over my chest, slightly offended. "Who are you calling two, old jeezer?" Well, there goes my good impression. Then, I cocked my brow at his weird laughter. 'Why aren't you scared?"

"Scared of what?" he wheezed, "A tiny midget?"

"My eyes." I stated plainly.

He shrugged, leaning against his walking stick. "I've seen weirder things in my life. Come on kid, there are people whose eyes turn red and can copy your moves, you don't faze me."

I let out a chortle. So this guy was a retired ninja, and didn't much like the Uchiha clan. "That's… some pretty good logic."

He shook his head. "Okay, back to business. I assume you are here for the wepaons. So… practice kunais?'

I nodded, thrusting my hands into my pockets. "yeah,"I turned my head around to get a better look at the shop. "And also maybe som real ones, just so I don't have to come here eveyr second day. I need to stock up as long as I have money. Heavens know it's not often."

He eyed me strangely, as my cute speech was long gone, and I was all natural, as if this was my environment. It wasn't, but it was an old habit to play an act when you didn't know what to do. "You from a shinobi family?"

I shrugged. "Something like that. Complicated family, let's say." It was partly true, as my mother sold weapons. But had I came to her with a request, she would screech and run, because a demon child who can throw sharp objects was every woman's worst nightmare.

"Okay, I can give you a whole box, just wait a second. I assume you would want a weapon pouch, too…" he trailed off, already on the move, and seemingly deep in thought. But I didn't care much, after all, child prodigies were a thing here, and I certainly wasn't the only four year old running around with knives.

"And maybe some shuriken too, and wax for me to take care of it." I called after him as he was strolling away.

He turned around, an amused smile on his face. "I'mm bring you the whole set… but you don't wax kunai, kid."

I shrugged again, seemed to be doing a lot of it these days. Instead of commenting on my lack of experience, I started moving around the shop, touching every steel thing I could touch, amazed. It was like the steel was calling out to me, like every single weapon had a soul, and it was talking to me in a language only I could understand. It fascinated me.

I passed the katanas after good five minutes of cooing, as it was something I clearly wasn't ready for. Fans didn't appeal to me, and neither did the daggers. I went towards the back door to which the old men had disappeared, and put my head in, ready to tell him to hurry the fuck up, when something caught my eye.

It was a bõ stick, made of slick metal. It seemed old, with carvings and scratches, like someone had been using it for a long time before it got here. The carvings were beautiful, s true piece of art, and I must have imagined it, because it was whispering to me.

I passed the door, and found myself standing in front of it. I raised my arm, my fingertips twitching as I touched the metal, tracing one of the carvings.

"You like it?" The old man asked, carrying various items ranging from kunai to weapon maintenance kit. He stopped past me, to examine it. "We've had it for quite some time, and no one ever wanted it. Apparently, Bõ sticks are considered old fashioned and not very useful in this generations. Really, nothing that's sharp enough is good for the kids nowadays." He shook his head, and marched to the counter. He let all the items fall on it, and was back in a blink of an eye. He took the bõ from its place, and offered it to me.

I tentatively took it, and smiled when I the foreign weight seemed almost familiar, like it belonged to my hands. I swung it, flicking my wrist a little, and noticed it was a bit too heavy for a bõ. I would have to work on that, but it was a minor disadvantage.

I glanced at the man with a shit eating grin on my face. "How much?" I asked, cradling the bõ to my chest.

He humphed. "Please, I'd be glad if someone'd take it off my hands. It's been here for longer that I have been tuning the shop."

"So…" I quirked a brow. "A discount?"

He outwardly laughed, a belly laugh that suited him. "What's your name, youngling?"

I walked out of the storage room, and to the counter. Placing the bõ on top of the items, I smirked at the man. "Kinnosuke." I introduced myself, thrusting my hand outward.

He switched his gaze from me to the outstretched hand, and then allowed himself to smile, small wrinkled appearing on the side of his face. "Temiru." He said, shaking my hand with a strong grip.

He quickly checked in all the items, and threw them inside a large paper bag. He pushed it towards me with the bõ in his other hand, and I gleefully took it. He handed me the receipt, and grinned. "Hope to see you soon, Kinno-chan. Also… good luck with your training." He eyed me up and down. 'You need it."

I growled. "Stupid old man." I muttered, and walked out of the shop with a half wave.

Only few blocks away, when I was checking the receipt, I noticed he didn't count in the bõ at all.

By the time I reached the training grounds, I had bought four sticks of dango, two iced coffees and a tiny jar of black face paint just because I could. I really did have no sense whatsoever when dealing with money. It might've been because I was finally able to buy something, not steal or scam it. Having money sure was awesome, and I was contemplating on shitting on a shinobi career and just start a business, or maybe marry a daymio. Hinata, who waited patiently outside the shop and was now happily bouncing beside me with dango stick hanging out of his mouth, wagging his tail. I scratched his head absentmindedly and then jumped in surprise when something moved behind me. I really needed to work on my sensor skills. Or at least not to space out all the time.

"Fucking hell, what the actually fuck?" I turned to have a look at rather smug Kakashi who was leaning against one of the wooden pillars. "Hello there." I added with sarcasm just for the hell of it.

He eyed all the stuff in my hands. "You brought lunch?" he seemed to be rather sceptic about my paper bag, and I was mildly offended. Also, he skipped the hellos. That was just rude.

I sent him a cringe worthy smile. "Actually…" I trailed off, and then spilled the contents of the bag on the ground. "It's training supplies."

Kakashi nodded, a bit surprised. I knew he was about to get better with his emotions, but right now, he was easy to read by face, but nothing by words. It slightly aggravated me, but I wasn't getting anything better anytime soon, and was actually happy with having at least someone to train with. I was a newbie by all means, being born a civilian, and had little to no idea what to do with all these things.

I smirked. "Let's get started." I unwrapped one kunai, and positioned myself in front of the pillar. Without as much as waiting for Kakashi's instructions, I threw it.

My face sunk when it didn't as much as hit the pillar.

Kakashi actually had the audacity to snicker at me from behind his stupid mask. "You cannot direct your muscle strength at all." He commented, his arms crossed over his chest.

I sneered at him. "Very helpful, really."

He shook his hand. "What can you do?"

The sentence was a verbal jab at best, but I let it slide. It was Kakashi after all, a four year old asocial kid with emotional range of a teaspoon. So, instead of getting mad, I started counting off things on my fingers. "Well, I know about my chakra, I meditate," once again, a blatant lie. I did it like, once. But he didn't have to know that, "I have decent flexibility and I can make use of my surroundings. And… I bought a bõ." I added with a way too giddy expression.

He eyed the metal stick suspiciously. "That's… not at all impressive." He commented flatly, and by that time, I really wanted to punch him. Deep breaths, Kinno, deep breaths. "Your taijutsu is nonexistent, you get tired easily, your speed is… well, it needs work, and your muscle mass is like toddlers." I wanted to comment that we both were, generally speaking, still toddlers, but he seemed pleasantly ignorant of his age.

"Why do you even work with me?" I asked, finally honest.

He shrugged. "Dad says it's good to practice, and he doesn't really have time to train with me anymore. Plus… most of people in my age group are infuriating, you at least talk in normal way."

I cringed. I was sure there was more to that, but for Kakashi, I guessed it was enough. After all, not everybody could be a four year old prodigy. And while I was pretty much useless by this point, I at least had the vocabulary and maturity. I was an adult, after all.

"So, what should we start with?"

He sighed, watching me through his sharp eyes. That kid was sure something, like he was already tired of me. " I don't know… you are saying you can use chakra already?"

"No," I corrected him, "I said I know about my chakra thanks to mediation. I cannot do shit with it."

He sighed once again. For a kid, that was way too often.

"Fine, then… let's do some stretches and stuff, so we can start building up your stamina." He said, putting hands deep inside his pockets.

I quirked a brow at him. "I haven't done any physical exercises, well… ever." I wanted to say for foiur years, and with different body, but that didn't seem like a good topic. "Except, well, climbing with a help of dog."

Hinata, who took it as a clue to finally let his presence known, cautiously approached Kakashi. He watched him with narrowed eyes, ears upturned. Kakashi shot me an incredulous look, then bended down to a crouch and turned his hand out. Hinata waited for a minute, unsure what to do, then sniffed it softly. Suddenly, a giant shit eating dog grin stretched across his face and he jumped at Kakashi, who had only a second to react. But the dog was nearly as big as he was, so he toppled him ovet to the ground, and licked his face. I would have piad millions to see the schocked face of Kakashi choking on his own spit ever again. He let out a strangled sound, and waved his hand around. "Can you just get it off, please."

I barked out a laugh. "He likes you." I said, positively amused.

"That's nice. Now get him off." He deadpanned.

I sighed. "Hinata, buddy, come here. Let the boy breathe a bit." Hinata perked up at the sound of his name and gave me one sad look before getting off of Kakashi and coming to my side once again. I scratched his fur between his ears, giving him a small kiss on the temple. "Good boy." I wazs getting more and more affectionate with this dog. It was a problem.

"We'll start with laps." He said, rather grumpily.

"You are using shortcuts." Kakashi commented, leaning against one of the pillars as he drilled me thought various workouts. It's been two hours of intense stamina workouts and running, well, as intense as they could be for a four year old, by which I had thrown up multiple times. Of course, we started my half hour long stretches, but my muscles still burned. He was obviously enjoying tormenting me, the bastard.

"Isn't that better?" I snapped, exhausted. "It's innovation."

"No, it's cowardly." He told me blankly, almost childishly, like I was totally stupid, straightening up. He walked up to me, something strange flicking over his face. It was odd, being scared of such a midget, but I felt a surge of fear running through me. "Fight me."

I blanched. "You can't be serious." I muttered incredulously, wondering if someone had dropped him on his head when he was a baby.

"Why would you think that?"

I threw my arms in the air, getting fed up by this training. "I am nearly dead, unable to stand properly, and you ask me to actually try to fight when I don't know how. There's something seriously wrong with you."

He shook off my insults, most likely because he didn't care, or maybe because he trusted his father's judgment more than he hated me. I didn't know, and didn't even want to know which the truth was. All I'd learned about him was that he was one stubborn little prick, and when he set his mind on something, it was impossible to wear him off. Maybe that was the source of his future grand friendship with Gai.

I humphed. "Fine." I said. I took a stance that I remembered from my past life. Actually, moves were not the problem, I knew some basics, but the problem was my stamina. I was unable to perform whatever shit I had thought of.

He charged at me first, and I managed to block his fort move, simply by reflexes. But the fist came too close to my face for my comfort, and I twisted, trying to pull a punch on him on my own. He grabbed my wrist, and flipped me to the ground.

My back hit the ground with awful crack, and suddenly, all the leftover energy poured away from me, leaving me breathless and in pain, with weeds sticking to the fabric of my shirt. That little fucker, I mused inside my head.

Kakashi eyed me with something akin to disgust. "You are weak." He said, and I wanted to pummel him to the ground. I suddenly wished I was still in my adult body, so I could toss him to the ground like a bag of rice. "You need to work on your strength and stamina." He sounded like a miniature teacher, but I couldn't take him seriously with that whiny kiddy voice.

I rolled my eyes. "I know." I muttered under my breath. I tried to get up, but I only flopped unceremoniously to the ground. Again.

He suddenly changed his facial expression, and his eyes looked almost… earnest. He finally looked his age. "Will you… be back tomorrow?"

I gritted my teeth, and forced out a smile. "Sure."

"Goodbye, then." He bowed his head slightly, but politely enough, and strolled away, leaving me beaten to death on the dirty grass.

I gripped the grass underneath me tightly, and when I assumed he was out of earshot, I freaked out. "Ouch, ouch, mothefucker, ouch, that hurts, fuck you, you little dweeb, fuck, that's so much pain, shit!"

It took me a while to walk without wincing every step. That kid did me good; he literally had no mercy while training me. I was slightly horrified that he went through something like that in the morning, but it was probably something light in eyes of shinobi, that they made a four year old to do.

I shook my head. I suspected this was about to turn into my own morning routine, at least the laps. I really couldn't do shit these days.

Hinata nudged at me, then winced. I glared in hurt. "Yeah, I knew I was totally an undignified loser back there, but come on, have some sympathy for an injured kid." Hinata shook his doggie head and then scrunched up his nose. "Shit, I must smell, don't I?" I pulled on the hem of my shirt, noticing the dirt and weeds sticking from me, not to mention the grass stain and something I really hoped wasn't puke. I ran a palm over my face, and Hinata scooted further away from me. "You really are too fancy sometimes." I said, glaring at him. He didn't even have the decency to look apologetic one again.

"Fine," I concluded, "we are getting me some new clothes. Aiko's wallet's screaming to be used."

I walked, or rather, dragged myself through the street until I found some approachable looking clothes shop. I walked in, slithered between the mass of people, including two very noble looing women in Kimonos that must've cost more than my shinobi gear. I rolled my eyes as they casted me the most offended looks ever and fanned their makeup clad faces. Jesus, try running five laps and puke ffrom exhaustion after the last two of them, and look pretty in the same time.

It took me legit fifteen minutes to find a shinobi section in the back of the store, and I did a double take. The kunoichi section was just all too… laughable. Impractical long skits, bright flashy colors, and… was than a chest armor? What was this, a video game fanbase? I sighed, and went to the only three items in black I could spot. Dark brown leggings, that were passable for black, and thankfully were made in kid's size, were my favorite shit at the moment. But I fell in love with something totally different.

A small raincoat, that would normally be barely fit for a teenager, was hanged right at the back, and I wasn't sure which section was it, but it was perfect. It had way too many pockets and was all black, even the buttons. Like, literally, no color whatsoever. It was perfect in comparison to my overly colorful hair. I touched it gingerly and a smile stretched over my face. Hinata howled in protest, nudging me towards the more bright pieces, but I shook my head. "You ain't talking me out of this. There's no way." I took it to my chest and cuddled the cloth. "This is my new favorite thing in the world. I just need to do some permanent stitches and it will fit me when I roll the sleeves few times. It's just fucking perfect. He casted me a look, which reminded me that he didn't know that I could saw. "Yeah, I actually can hold a needle, don't worry." When he still wasn't quite convinced, I sighed. "Come on, let me this one stupidity. Please." I couldn't believe I was talking to him like it actually mattered what he thought. He was a dog, for fucks sake. "Oh, fuck it, dog's don't have a sense of fashion."

He still managed to force me to buy a white shirt. That fucker.

….

When I walked out of the store, my new clothes on and my old ones dumped in a trash can, I was nearly giddy, bouncing each step. I was on top of the world. New weapons, a bo stick strapped on my back, new clothes, my first training done… I felt like a real deal, and managed to silence that rational part of my brain that told me that I was nothing more than a kid playing dress up.

I was so giddy I didn't notice my surroundings until it was too late, and my head slammed straight into someone's belly.

"Shit." I swore at the impact, and damn, that guy had some abs.

"That's no way for a small child to speak." The man rumbled, and I immediately took a large step back, putting as much distance in between us as possible. Then I looked up, and swore that white hair would be the death of me.

…..

A/N

Heya guys, the point of this is to show that while Kinnosuke is adamant on learning how to be a ninja, she has literally no clue what she's doing, her only help being Mito (and there's going to be some shit about that, too. Did you really think Mito was just helping a nameless child like no problem? That chick is a veteran, not your friendly neighborhood grandma.) and Kakashi, who, albeit good, is still four. Now… this new incomer is obvious, we've heard about him before a chapter of two back… who do you think it would be? Come on, I hinted it. I really did.

Bear with me when I toss Kinnosuke around like a rag doll. She is good at climbing and using shortcuts, but not as much in actual techniques.

Also… I really fucking need a beta, or at least some good reviews. I have no idea what I am doing most of the time, if I am to be honest.


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